RIP My Sierra Girl

[cookie72]

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[cookie72]

Well as a few of you know, my dog had been ill a few months ago. She recovered for a while, and was doing great actually, for the past 2 months. Last night, she suddenly became very weak, labored breathing. so we rushed to the animal ER. They couldn't even find a blood pressure when we arrived, it was so low. They ran bloodwork, and xrays, and couldn't find anything wrong. They put her on IV fluids, and put her in an oxygen chamber (I didn't understand what that was until they already had her in it, but it looked like the incubator thing that babies go in when they're born premie). I was able to go see her and pet her head thru the little window hole. It was absolutely horrible...seeing my baby like that. I had to leave so they could run more tests...I sat in the waiting room for a couple hours while waiting for results, until they said I could go see her again; then she was totally unresponsive/out of it. I went home for a little while, and then they called and said I better come back, because it appeared she was dying. I rushed there but was too late.

It happened so sudden, I'm just in shock right now. They said there ws blood coming from both her mouth and hind end, after I left, so they think her GI tract ruptured for some reason. I can't even believe this happened...like it's a nightmare somebody needs to wake me up from

[Bean]

Oh no, I'm so sorry! Poor Sierra.

That all sounds so upsetting, and to lose Sierra despite you and the vets doing your best to save her must have been heartbreaking. I know from your previous posts how much you loved and adored her, and how relieved and happy you were when she seemed to be doing so much better. I love that photo, what a gorgeous girl and she reached a really good age so I'm sure you have many, many happy memories of her that will in time outweigh the grief you're feeling now. So very sad though.

Sleep tight Sierra and take care of yourself Cookie x

[3piggles]

I'm so sorry It's so hard when they can't tell us what's wrong ?

[jolovespiggies]

I am so very sorry darling, just try to think of how happy you made her although I know it is heartbreaking. Lots of warm comforts on their way.

Hugs
JO xx

[cookie72]

I'm having such a hard time coping with this...it's been just over a week and I still break down crying. I cry sometimes until I can't breathe anymore (like it happened an hour ago) and it was 8 days ago. I feel ok when I'm out of the house at work, and then as soon as I come into the house it all hits me again. I'm definitely having an issue coping, that's not normal.  All her stuff, toys, pills. etc are still exactly where they were before. I rationally know that's not making it any easier on myself...but I just cannot bring myself to put it away. It seems so final, but I know she's gone and nothing I can do will bring her back, but I can't make myself do what needs to be done

The animal hospital sent me something in the mail about a Pet Loss Support Group. It's free, and it's the first Tuesday of every month. I think I'm going to go.


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[3piggles]

Definitely go to the support group. We can give you a lot of support, but nothing beats a hug or smile at the right time. It took me years to be able to talk about my beloved Zippy pig, without crying. It still makes me sad. The more emotion we invest in our fur friends, the harder it is to lose them. We grieve for them the same way we grieve for people. It's in our nature. Don't feel badly that you are still grieving heavily. It shows how much you loved Sierra, not that you are weak. Perhaps combining all of her stuff in one place, sort of as a memorial, but not right in the main area, would help. I still have the meds from my Dallas Pigg, who died in 2005. We had such a close bond, I can't toss the stuff with his name on it. It's in a drawer. I know where it is. I look at it periodically, and remember him. Zippy talk me about piggy communications. Dallas had pneumonia, then got allergies and asthma, and talk me what I know about managing with a sick pig. My boy will always be with me, no matter how many pigs I have Lots of hugs

[cookie72]

Thank you for your kind words Piggles. And for sharing about your bond with your special piggies who've passed on.

A friend came over this morning and after seeing the shape I was in, basically told me that I'm digging myself into a 'rabbit hole', by leaving all Sierra's stuff out. I left the room for a bit, and she just started picking everything up and dragged it down to the basement. I had throw rugs covering almost every foot of hard floor in my house, because as Sierra's arthritis got worse, she would slip on the hardwood floor. And her blankets and bed and toys in the living room. I only got upset when I saw that her toy basket was gone. She put it all in the basement, except a few of Sierra's favorite toys. She loved stuffed animals, and I have this antique trunk in the guinea pig room with a few of my childhood stuffed animals, and she added Sierra's to the trunk. The trunk stays open, so I can see them on display there.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about all that yet, but I know it needed to be done and I wasn't strong enough to do it.

Happy Easter

[jolovespiggies]

I wish you a Happy Easter to darling. I am so sorry for your pain and I wish I could share it properly so you didn't suffer so much. It is a dreadful time and we have all been through it. I can only send lots of loves and cuddles, I really hope you feel a bit better soon.

Hugs
JO xx

[cookie72]

Thanks Jo. You're so very kind and sweet.

[jolovespiggies]

You are so welcome love.

Hugs
Jo xx

[Bean]

I'm sorry you're still feeling so raw. As 3piggles said, it's a testament to how loved Sierra was. The group sounds like it could really help you to process your feelings with other people who have had similar experiences and feelings and will understand how it's affecting you.

It's always a difficult one knowing when to tidy stuff away. I hope having it done for you turns out to be a positive thing rather than upsetting you further. You still have everything of Sierra's, and what's most important are your memories - they'll never go no matter what physical things you're left with.

That photo is so gorgeous - what a lucky girl Sierra was to feel so much love and happiness in her life.

[jolovespiggies]

I wish I could share your pain love so you don't hurt so much. We are all here for you if you need us because we have all been there and suffered over the loss of a baby. Extra loves and cuddles are on their way.

Hugs
Jo xx

[cookie72]

Thanks Bean, and Jo.
Well I just got home from the group. There were only 2 other ladies there, along with the counselor. It was only an hour, and we each took a turn telling our stories. I'm glad I went, because it was nice to talk with other people who are feeling like I'm feeling, even if it doesn't lessen the sadness. One of the gals gave me a really nice idea for what to do with Sierra's collar and lock of fur (that I've had in my coat pocket with me this whole time). A shadow box. I like that idea alot. She also told me she's been volunteering at a humane society a couple hours a week, and it's been very therapeutic for her, walking the dogs and such. I'm going to give consideration to that and think I would enjoy it.

[Bean]

I'm glad it helped you to be able to chat about Sierra with some people that understood how you felt and that the ladies gave you some ideas for making mementos and ways to channel your grief. I think helping at a shelter is a great idea and a fantastic tribute to Sierra - help other animals to feel the love she always felt. Do you think you'll go to the group again next month?

[3piggles]

I'm glad the group was a good experience, and you came away with some ideas that might help. I think volunteering at the humane society is a great idea. There are so many dogs in need of loving homes, and you never know who you might meet there. The hair/collar shadow box sounds wonderful

[jolovespiggies]

I am so glad it was nice hun and it worked out for you. None of us want to think of you in dreadful pain. I am so glad the support group helped you, nothing beats being with people who empathise. Please keep us updated.

Hugs
Jo xx

[cookie72]

Yea, it was definitely a positive experience. There's another group on the 3rd week of the month, but it's held at a different location that's quite a bit further from my house, so it's doubtful I'll go to that. Then another one next month at the place I went yesterday. Guess I'll wait and see how I'm feeling when that time comes.
I'm really getting interested in the volunteering idea. Right now, the depression I've been feeling is crushing...Emotionally and physically. It's so hard to motivate to do anything, even get out to go to work and I can only manage that because I know that I have to. I think the volunteering and being able to interact with dogs would be very soul soothing. And I have plenty of time on my hands. There's several humane societies within a half hour from me, so I can put in applications online and go from there. Thanks again for all your kind thoughts.

[jolovespiggies]

I just so wish I could give you lots of cuddles hun, it sounds as if you need them. You will be in my prayers darling, I am so sorry for the pain you are having.

Hugs
JO xx

[3piggles]

Definitely sending lots of hugs!!! Perhaps if you put in the applications, and one of the places contacts you, it will help you move on to the next stage. I know exactly what you mean about the depression not making it easy. Lots of hugs!!!