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Post by margaret6 on Apr 11, 2015 12:30:36 GMT
Cookie, I haven't been on this site for a wee while, been more on Wheekers facebook. I want to sat how sorry I am to hear of your doggie, now over the rainbow bridge. I looked back your post but couldn't find her name. It won't help you at the moment but I genuinely feel your pain deep in my heart and I am so sorry. I know exactly what you're going through. My dog Millie died on 3rd April. She was diagnosed with lymphoma at the end of November, we went along the chemotherapy route and she was doing fantastic, but the week before she died she stopped eating, it turned out she had a large tumor on her bowel, she wanted to eat because she was hungry but knew she couldn't. We had to put her to sleep. My husband was so distraught he couldn't be there, but I lay on a quilt in the vets for 20 minutes, cuddled her and then we put her to sleep. She looked so well and alert it was heartbreaking......she gave me filthy kitchen floors, dirty beds, slavery face, hugs, walks but most of all..unconditional love. Millie was a 10 yr old Springer spaniel and we loved her. I got her ashes back this morning, let's hope in time you and I will stronger. X
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Post by jolovespiggies on Apr 11, 2015 18:58:13 GMT
Millie was gorgeous Margaret love.
Hugs Jo xx
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Post by 3piggles on Apr 11, 2015 21:12:13 GMT
I'm so sorry, Margaret She was a beautiful girl! It is so hard to let them go, whatever kind of pet they are. Hubby had to take our last dog to be PTS, as I just couldn't do it.
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Post by Bean on Apr 11, 2015 21:37:32 GMT
Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear about Millie, Margaret. You must be gutted. I love that photo of her and am sending lots of love to you and hub. xx
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Post by cookie72 on Apr 12, 2015 2:20:08 GMT
Margaret, I'm very sorry for your recent loss of Millie. It's just heartbreaking. I can imagine how horrible that was for you...to see her alert and seeming ok, but to have to put her down despite that. Isn't is traumatic when you know your baby is sick, and going through treatment, seeming to improve, and then you have your hopes up, then to have that ripped away from you just like that I'm really glad that you were able to hold and cuddle Millie at the end, and give her a proper goodbye. I'm sure she appreciated that and your bravery in doing so. Since Nov when Sierra first became ill, I figured that would be what it came down to for me also, and I was dreading that. She had liver disease, and a heart condition, but both were being very well controlled by medications. Her liver values were almost back in the normal range. But I expected there would eventually be a slow decline and I'd have to make that very difficult decision. But as it turned out, one minute she was fine and taking a tinkle outside, and then a minute later she was staggering, could barely stand or walk, and then the next few hours that would become her last hours, were very traumatic. It kills me that it ended for her in that way, that she died alone and scared in that big oxygen chamber thing. That I didn't get to say goodbye and hold and love on her, and comfort her through that scary time. I think that will haunt me for a very long time. She was pretty drugged up (actually unconscious) when I last left her, so I hope and pray that she wasn't in any pain. And I know that if things had ended as yours did, that wouldn't have made it any easier or lessen the grief. At least maybe we both can take some small comfort in knowing that our babies were feeling well and enjoying life til the end. They give us so much fun, laughs, unconditional love, and yes dirt too...everything you said. Millie was beautiful...and very loved and lucky to have you for her mama. My heart aches for you too Margaret, and I can only hope that in time it gets a little easier, for both of us. And for Piggles too, just loosing poor little Momo. Plenty of heartbreaking to go around on Wheekers at the moment.
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Post by Bean on Apr 12, 2015 15:26:42 GMT
Aww Cookie, it sounds like Sierra was so out of it, I doubt she will have experienced her last moments like you worry she might have. Especially with her being sedated too, on top of being so poorly and unresponsive, I expect the last moments she will have remembered were when you were there comforting and helping her. I know how difficult it is not to have been there though, and hope you find some peace with that feeling as you have in no way let Sierra down. xx
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Post by jolovespiggies on Apr 12, 2015 18:43:11 GMT
How are you feeling today hun, lots of cuddles on their way to you?
Hugs Jo xx
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Post by margaret6 on Apr 13, 2015 7:54:28 GMT
Thank you for your lovely words Cookie, it was your doggies time too, she knew she was loved and being unconscious was the best way to go, she'd probably be dreaming about running in the fields as a puppy. Either way, she was well at peace before she died even although you knew how I'll she looked. . Sending a big tight hug. Xx
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Post by 3piggles on Apr 13, 2015 15:31:44 GMT
I agree with Margaret. I think Sierra was off in her own world, as animals make the best of whatever situation they have. The doctors would have made sure she wasn't in any pain. It's not as much that they didn't get to know we loved them right till the end, but that we didn't get to say goodbye in a satisfactory way. When I found Momo dead, I picked her up and cuddled her. She was still warm, and I felt so guilty for not knowing she was going, and getting downstairs sooner. I couldn't have, as I was getting hubby off in our routine manner. There was no blame to place, but I feel guilty that she died alone. It takes time to let ration and logic take over the emotions, and allow us to see that we really did do everything possible. Not all situations are what we prefer, but they are what we get. I'm sorry you are feeling so badly about not being with Sierra. I think the last thing she ever thought about the living world, was that you were there, taking her to get help, and so worried about her. Hugs!
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Post by jolovespiggies on Apr 13, 2015 19:17:32 GMT
What a lovely message Piggles love.
Hugs Jo xx
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Post by margaret6 on Apr 13, 2015 20:35:05 GMT
Yes Piggles your right and remember piggies are prey animals and would probably want to die quietly alone, it's in their genes. Xx
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Post by cookie72 on Apr 14, 2015 4:55:05 GMT
Thanks again, to all of you for being so kind. I don't mean to seem like I'm having this big 'Kristin Pity Party' over here! It's just really hard, and it helps to have a caring group of friends who get it.
Everything you're saying makes sense, rationally. I know I did everything I possibly could do to help Sierra, and if she was sedated then she was probably dreaming of some of her favorite things, like snuggles with mama, or barking at the mailman, or a really yummy special meal. I suppose in time the bad thoughts and images that I was left with will slowly be replaced by all the wonderful memories.
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Post by margaret6 on Apr 15, 2015 21:20:36 GMT
We're all here to support one another, animal lovers just understand how each other feel so we're a great group! ? xx
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Post by Bean on Apr 16, 2015 7:42:54 GMT
I always think it's slightly (or a lot) harder to move on to the happy memories being the dominant ones when you've lost a pet in more traumatic circumstances. Even though it's still just as much of a loss when they just pass away peacefully in their sleep, without the upsetting events to process and the 'what ifs', it just feels more natural to remember what a lovely life they had and how much happiness they brought you. It'll happen though, but you just have to get there in your own time rather than allowing anyone to make you feel as if you should be feeling a certain way at any point. Have you thought of making a special book of some of your favourite pictures and memories of Sierra?
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Post by jolovespiggies on Apr 16, 2015 18:43:54 GMT
I hope you are Ok darling, we are all here for you and know exactly what you are going through. Lots of love to you.
Hugs Jo xx
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Post by cookie72 on Apr 18, 2015 3:39:59 GMT
Yes Bean, I think you just hit the nail on the head with that comment! That makes perfect sense to me, and actually made me feel better reading that, because that's what I feel but not understanding or knowing how to put it into the right words. And I'm no stranger to traumatic ending for dogs...my dog I had before Sierra was hit by a car and killed when she was 3 1/2. Talk about traumatic. I got Sierra about 3 weeks later, maybe unintentionally as a way of burying the pain. It worked, but I think it's better this time to wait until I'm emotionally and financially ready. I put myself in a bit of debt with Sierra's care since Nov. I wouldn't change that though...it was worth every penny to still see her smiling face and wagging tail when I'd walk in the door, and I could tell she was still very happy to be alive too.
I definitely would like to put together a nice photo book. I have alot of pics on my computer. I have a decent printer, but would have to get some photo paper. Or else put the ones I want on a disc and take them to get prints. It's still hard to look through those photos now. I have a video I took from the webcam on my laptop, 2 nights before she died. It's her going into her little 'talking to mama' routine that she just started doing a couple months ago. It's sort of a little grumbling/howling routine, that was so adorable I made a big stink about how cute it was every time she did it, and that reinforced her do keep doing it. Maybe I'll post it on here if I can figure out how. I can't even watch it yet... But I sure am glad I have it.
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Post by Bean on Apr 18, 2015 8:44:48 GMT
Aww that sounds wonderful, I'd love to see it if you do manage to get it online, and am so glad that you have it - memories are fantastic, photos are great and video clips are an extra way of transporting you back in time to when that moment happened. Whilst you might not feel ready to watch it just yet, to have that video taken only a couple of days before she passed should reassure you that whilst the last day may have been traumatic for you, you're looking at a dog who led a wonderful, long and happy life and was making the most of it all right to her final days. You obviously did a fantastic job of taking care of her.
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Post by jolovespiggies on Apr 18, 2015 19:47:46 GMT
We are all behind you darling, we are here to help and support each other, we are a family.
Hugs JO xx
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Post by 3piggles on Apr 18, 2015 20:50:10 GMT
I have those collage picture frames, and I put pictures of my loveys in the frames. That way they are never gone. I hope it helps to do the project
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