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Post by jolovespiggies on Jan 8, 2017 15:56:14 GMT
I am pants with my finances Piggles love which is why Paul is now in charge and I am happy with that, most of the time anyway. I would love to be able to save but we always manage to go over budget somehow even if we are what we are considering to be careful. You are right there too Piggles hunni, we grew up at the time when adults found fault a lot and we were not praised enough so it is hard to get that out of your mind. I was occasionally praised but constantly compared to other kids and made to feel rubbish.
Oh Bean hunni, what a lovely thing to say, thank you so very much. Love you too. I hope my therapist can help but unfortunately there are only so many sessions I can attend whereas I would like to see her on a regular basis. Maybe at the age of 59 nothing is going to change, but I feel such rubbish a lot of the time.
Hugs Jo xx
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Post by Bean on Jan 9, 2017 10:03:41 GMT
I know it's harder to change the way we think and feel as adults, but it can definitely be done, so I hope this lady can really help you. You're definitely someone who should feel proud of the person you are - especially without getting the encouragement you needed as a kid which plays such a massive part in self-confidence.
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Post by jolovespiggies on Jan 9, 2017 13:17:31 GMT
Thanks Bean hunni so very much. With me if someone tells me that a situation should be so or what I should be feeling, I feel encouraged if it is positive as I have some sort of reassurance. Coming from friends and my therapist Hilary it makes me feel so much better as other peoples' opinions do count very much with me. I told her of things I have done in the past which I deeply regret and she says that it is done and there is nothing I can do about it so beating myself up isn't going to help me. This is very true and whilst I am not feeling altogether better about things, this has helped enormously. Thanks for being such a pal darling.
Hugs JO xx
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Post by 3piggles on Jan 9, 2017 21:27:58 GMT
I'm 65, Jo, and I can attest to being able to change, at least enough to start the process. Sometimes, that's all it takes. We were never acceptible enough, as children. Neither were our parents or grandparents. That idea of always having to live up to someone else's requirements, always being compared to someone else, and of course, being found lacking, was who children were taught to try harder. It didn't work, but it was perpetuated for generations as the norm, and no one questioned it.
The 60s changed that by introducing a whole lot of previously unacceptible things as being totally acceptible. Everything from wearing prints with strips, to free love were embraced by those in the hippy movement, and while most parents were more ashamed of their children being hippies than they ever were of their children being homosexual, the change was in, and we've been changing ever since.
Unfortunately, we did the typical pendulum swing of deciding something was wrong, so doing the exact opposite, without any consideration for the consequences. Instead of generations of children with low self-images, we've now had a generation of children who refuse to obey and threaten to sue if anyone tries to make them obey, which led to parents who actually sued teachers, camp counselors, lifeguards and anyone else who tried to make their children obey the rules.
The backlash from that seems to have lead to helicopter parents, who do everything for their children, intervene on their childrens behalf in everything, and have created a whole generation of children who can't do anything for themselves. US colleges report having to hire many times the number of psychologists they used to need, just to help these children learn to cope with not having their parents make all their decisions for them. Oh, well. At least each generation seems to produce those special few who do great things!
I totally lost the Internet yesterday. Cannot wait for the new networking cards to arrive!
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Post by jolovespiggies on Jan 10, 2017 9:33:53 GMT
How true Piggles love, things have gone completely the other way instead of striking a happy medium. When I hear of the lip that kids give their parents these days it goes through me, I would have been in a coma for six months! These days they get away with murder and many are growing up to be little thugs. Why can't there be a happy medium? I don't want things to be as they were when I was a child but these days it is just ridiculous.
Hugs Jo xx
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Post by Bean on Jan 10, 2017 10:34:50 GMT
I think that while each generation has its own set of problems related to child rearing (whether it's too strict, too lax etc), there always has been a happy medium where loads of kids are getting brought up with lots of love and care and good morals. It's just that those kids don't get the attention or make the headlines, we hear about the kids where it's not working out.
As the world changes, so do the problems each generation faces. Look at what we value in our societies now - getting money, owning stuff, stopping other people getting said stuff, being famous etc. Is it any wonder impressionable kids growing up with the pressure of all that (let alone what they might be exposed to on the internet), that we see more people become angry, anxious and unhappy adults? Our priorities are all wrong.
Sadly, as we all become more divided and blame each other more for our country's/ the world's problems, these problems will only get worse. I think there's a lot of truth in the saying that 'It takes a whole village to raise a child' but the trend is for people and families to become more isolated (apart from the internet) which makes it harder for everyone.
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Post by 3piggles on Jan 10, 2017 21:22:34 GMT
I agree, Bean, and it's good that there are enough children in the middle of the extremes, to carry the rest of us. I also think some generations have had much stronger standards for acceptibility, and much stronger divisions, than others. In Jo's and my day, tatoos meant a person was a convicted criminal, or what my mother always called white trash (I never knew exactly how that distinction was made). Now, people in places of high esteem have tatoos. My mother would have disowned us if we'd even gotten anything except our ears pierced, and I didn't get to get my ears pierced until my sister got hers done without permission. I was 13.
Straight skirts were never worn so they pulled and formed a ridge across the belly or butt. Only THOSE girls wore skirts that tight. Leggings were only worn under dresses. I could go on and on. It was as if we were raised with an encyclopedia of rules for proper everything, and there were no exceptions. Apparently, that was a New England thing, and life was much more lax in other parts of the US, bible belt excluded.
There were other issues then, as well. Children weren't taken seriously, so abused children fell through the cracks in record numbers. Even when the pedophile priests were first outed, parents refused to believe such holy people would do such horrible things. It was even worse when we were kids, which is why so many of those abused waited decades to report the abuse. They would have been punished for making such a claim against a priest. The priest would never have been even considered to be guilty.
Schools also classified students, and once classified with a learning disability, which was called "needing remedial assistance," a child was classified that way for life. Even if the child was a slow starter, but blossomed after a few years, there was no route for reconsideration. Classifying people didn't make mistakes, so if they classified a child as too slow, that child was too slow, period!
It is great that so much more is known about learning disabilities, and that ridiculously rigid classifications have been removed. Labels that used to follow children well into adulthood have also been dropped. At the same time, those who really need remedial assistance often don't get it, because it's no longer provided by all school districts at all times, they way it was when those students were simply put in the slow class of each grade. Now students who used to get the help, don't get it, because their school district didn't budget for it. I doubt school districts were sued as often when I was in school, as they are now.
There has to be a happy medium, though, and with all the colleges and universities reporting the increased need for counselors to help students make even the most simple life choices, it's scary to thing they will be running this country in 20 years.
Internet is getting more miserable by the day, so if I seem to disappear, I'm unable to get or keep a connection. Those network cards can't arrive too soon.
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Post by bazookagoof on Jan 11, 2017 2:51:27 GMT
Just dropping in to say hi, hope all is well (at least more or less) we're having the new addition put on the house and it's making free time difficult, as I have to move furniture around as progress is made. I am VERY glad I moved the piggies to the living room- the area they used to be in has no insulation on the outside, which means it gets insanely cold right up against that wall! Their cages sit in the living room where they get heat and a view of the kitchen. (grumble, grumble)
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Post by Bean on Jan 11, 2017 9:33:15 GMT
I thought you were quieter than usual, Baz, I should have factored in the renovations. I bet you'll be glad when it's all done and you get your house back to yourselves! Did you say you were having an extension built or did I imagine that? Glad the pigs are getting a good holiday out of it anyway! 3piggles, my husband was saying to my son last night that at one of the schools he works at, if staff have tattoos, they have to cover them up, regardless of where they are. My son was clearly puzzled by this - tattoos are so common nowadays, it seemed strange to him that they were once seen as an indication of a rebellious or untoward character! Plus a few of the staff at his primary has small, fairly discrete tattoos, so I think that's also made it quite normal for him. There has to be a happy medium, though, and with all the colleges and universities reporting the increased need for counselors to help students make even the most simple life choices, it's scary to thing they will be running this country in 20 years. I dunno, with the leadership you're about to experience, I think things will be getting better by then, even if you have a President who tends to overthink things rather than a bull in a china shop! Hope your computer woes are soon sorted.
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Post by jolovespiggies on Jan 11, 2017 9:44:52 GMT
That is true Piggles, tattoos were associated with the riff raff as my mother and father used to say. Whenever I went out my mother in the 1960's she used to point out the people who were "nice" and those who weren't. Glad you are OK Baz love, I hope the disruption doesn't last for long. How times have changed Bean sweetie, all sorts of people have tattoos now.
Hugs Jo xx
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Post by bazookagoof on Jan 12, 2017 2:33:19 GMT
Glad you are OK Baz love, I hope the disruption doesn't last for long. Thanks, Jo we're dealing with it okay; it will be worth it when it's all done. In the morning when I get up, the guys know it's almost time for early morning snacks and I can hear them chirping away as I wash up before feeding them. I'll be in and out over the next few weeks or so, but I'm not quitting.
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Post by jolovespiggies on Jan 12, 2017 9:43:45 GMT
You are welcome love, I know I really dislike upheaval but it has to be tolerated if we want to make improvements. Merley never wheeks but just stares at us intently when he hears the food or treat bag coming around.
Hugs Jo xx
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Post by 3piggles on Jan 12, 2017 21:38:14 GMT
It's just good to know you hadn't left us or had an accident, or anything bad Hubby said he's going to try running the Internet cable to the office, so we can hook directly to the Internet by wire. Then if the networking cards he ordered don't solve the problem, we'll just hook directly into the cable. As it is now, it takes me a couple of hours to respond the posts on Wheekers. Most of that time is spent waiting for Internet to return.
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Post by bazookagoof on Jan 13, 2017 3:09:33 GMT
It's just good to know you hadn't left us or had an accident, or anything bad Vicki's 11th birthday is also coming up, so I'm using my computer time to create another year-review DVD for her party. Over the years they have been getting more and more elaborate; the Year One DVD was only about 12 minutes, and the Year 10 was around an hour! This year hasn't been as busy, and she's getting to that age where she's spending more time with her friends, so there's fewer photo opportunities, unfortunately. This year's disc will be much shorter, and this might be the trend for the upcoming years. Ah, well, it was a good run.
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Post by jolovespiggies on Jan 13, 2017 9:11:43 GMT
I should imagine it is sad for parents when that happens Baz love but it is inevitable. They do start growing a little more independent at this age. It is nice to have different disks for the early years though hun, wonderful memories.
Hugs Jo xx
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Post by Bean on Jan 13, 2017 9:19:58 GMT
After you mentioned the video idea, I did one for my son on his 11th birthday. My daughter (who's about to turn 10) is excited to see hers when she turns 11 (I can't do one every year!). You're right about the photos dwindling as they get older (although with me,a good part of that is being rubbish at remembering to take any!).
I'm currently sorting through all our old photos - to get rid of all the dud/ duplicate shots and also pick a bunch for a digital photo frame. It's lovely to look through them all, but also funny seeing how all the milestones are documented; when they first learn to do something I have a few days of ridiculous numbers of photos and videos of it!
I also made sure I sent pictures when people sent gifts, so each present or outfit they received has its own collection of photos! Don't need to keep them all but I know they were appreciated at the time!
3piggles, it sounds frustrating - thanks for bearing with us and not abandoning us though, and I hope it's fixed up better for you very soon.
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Post by 3piggles on Jan 13, 2017 19:34:17 GMT
Baz, I think that year in review is such a great idea, and wish we had done that when our daughter was little, or could have done that when our daughter was little. That would actually have been paper pictures, not digital, back then.
Yes, Jo, it is hard to lose the most fun or most rewarding parts of family life, but we always know the kids are going to grow up, and if we work at it, as Baz does, there will always be enough pictures to make a yearly album. It seems as if they go from needing us for everything, to being on their own. I'm sure there is a transition period, and we're just involved enough in daily life to not really notice it.
I'm not going anywhere. I just can't get on Wheekers very effectively, and I find, once I've timed out one time too many, I just leave it for later. I'm thinking about taking the laptop out to the kitchen island, just so I can do my banking without that timing out. It will also mean hubby doesn't have to kill himself in the bitter cold tomorrow, to run the line, as I'll be where the internet is strong.
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Post by Bean on Jan 15, 2017 8:46:03 GMT
It's interesting thinking what difference it will make to today's kids growing up, that their lives are that much better documented with digital technology. It gives you a much better handle on all the day to day memories that naturally fade. Of course it's probably going too far the other way now, with the highs and lows of most kids' lives documented on facebook etc whether they like it or not!
It especially amuses me watching video footage from when my two were little - seeing how the personalities they have were right there from the word go! (They love watching them too!)
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Post by jolovespiggies on Jan 15, 2017 14:36:42 GMT
Of course they move on Piggles love and become independent at a certain age but they will always be your babies. All the memories and photos I have are of my little furry friends and only in the last 16 or so years. I didn't keep any photos of before then as they were too painful. That is true Bean love, memories are more real because of advanced technology.
Hugs JO xx
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Post by 3piggles on Jan 15, 2017 23:59:25 GMT
Looking back at the old photos probably reminds you of why certain songs, smells, etc., trigger a feeling of happiness, sadness, etc. I really wish I had taken more pictures along the way, but we had a huge tub of pictures, and I don't think we ever even managed to sort through those. We've found pictures old enough that we can't remember exactly where they were taken.
I do like the digital age, and it's given me a chance to really get into taking photos I wouldn't have bothered to take otherwise. No buying film, running out of exposures part way through an event, having to wait and pay to get them developed. Now it's truly point and click, which I do a lot.
I have a Samsung phone, and I'm trying the Privacy mode on it. Every time I took a picture, it showed up on Facebook asking me if I wanted to post it. I don't even want Facebook in my pictures, but if we want to use the Facebook app, we have to give it permission to go anywhere and everywhere, which I really do not like. So I'm looking into ways to block it from being able to get into my contacts, photos, etc. Hasn't been very successful, so far. Every time I take a picture, the privacy mode seems to switch off? Working on that!
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