|
Post by anaira on May 16, 2011 22:56:49 GMT
Aww sorry Treen. Didn't mean to upset you. <3 But, if you stay away from the thread for another five posts, you'll soon forget all about it!
I haven't actually listened to much Gaga, but I like the songs I have heard. I've heard good things about her new single, so maybe one day I'll actually get around to watching it!
|
|
poshpiggy
Bronze Member
The caption says it...
Posts: 381
|
Post by poshpiggy on May 16, 2011 23:36:10 GMT
These are funny. I don't have a funny bone in my body. Haha. Plus--I laugh at everything. I love how people on here have a sense of humor! I think I need to take some lessons from y'all! haha!
|
|
|
Post by Bean on May 17, 2011 9:30:41 GMT
Aww sorry Treen. Didn't mean to upset you. <3 But, if you stay away from the thread for another five posts, you'll soon forget all about it! Haha! Good point! Have a go, poshpiggy, you might surprise yourself! My 6 year old came up with these ones: What's a cat's favourite thing to read? A catalogue What is a dinosaur's best weapon in a war? Dino-mite What's an insect's favourite sport? Cricket What's an insect's least favourite sport? Squash Oh and not so much a joke, but this exam answer makes me laugh! www.tejvan.co.uk/economics/funny_exam_answers/index_html/index.html
|
|
|
Post by anaira on May 20, 2011 4:58:40 GMT
Heh, I like that exam one!
Nurse: Doctor Papahpapahboolaboola will see you now.
Patient: Which doctor?
Nurse: Oh no, he's fully qualified!
har har!
And I can't believe I haven't posted my two favourite Irish jokes here yet!
Paddy walks into a tailors and hands the man a coat and asks. "Would you please to be sewing a hundred pockets onto me coat?"
The tailor was a bit confused as to why Paddy would need 100pockets but as the irishman had the correct amount of money, he did so.
After Paddy gets his coat he walks into the local pet shop and asks
"Hello, there sir, could I please be buying 100 budgies?"
"Ah... we don't have 100 budgies in stock, only about 30".
Paddy, not deterred, purchases the 30 and heads to the next pet shop in town.
So, basically, Paddy walks into every pet shop in town and buys up large on budgies. Then he heads to the nearest motorway overpass and proceeds to take the 100 budgies out of their cages and places one budgie in each pocket. He climbs up on the ledge and throws himself off.
Obviously it doesn't take a genius to figure out the result. Motorists stop to inquire as to the wellbeing of Paddy, who's lying in a contorted heap, with dead and dying budgies splattered about the road and his coat.
"Oh my gosh, are you alright?"
Someone asks.
"Ay, but its the last time I try budgie-jumping".
--
Seamus walks into a clock and asks the clerk:
"Top o' the morning to ye, would you happen to be selling any potatoe clocks?"
"Ah........ no, we don't sell anything like that".
A little disheartned but not completely crushed, Seamus leaves and heads to the next clock shop, where he goes about asking the same question. Long story short, Seamus finds himself in the last clock shop in the region, and again, given the negtive answer, is rather dispondent.
However, the clerk in the last shop, noticing his distress, inquires as to why Seamus would want such a novetly?
"Well, ya see, my boss said he'd fire me if I didnt' get a potatoe clock" (Say in an Irish accent - get-up-at-8-o'clock)
Did you hear about the horrible helicopter accident in Ireland? It crashed into a cemetry outside of Belfast and all three people on board were killed - in fact, they're still digging up bodies!!
|
|
|
Post by anaira on Aug 17, 2011 23:16:24 GMT
So why DID the chicken cross the road? I can't believe this has never occurred to me before. i.imgur.com/Qgacs.png*head desk*
|
|
|
Post by Bean on Aug 23, 2011 18:43:56 GMT
Okaaaaaaaaay!
One of my son's classmates (they're 6) came home with a joke book from the school reading scheme. I thought it was a great a idea - a bit of humour amongst the playscripts, books about the Holocaust/plague and less than exciting stories (compared to the sorts of books they all read at home). Then I saw this joke in it - grim!
What does a mathematician do when he's constipated? He works it out with a pencil.
|
|
|
Post by Janet on Aug 25, 2011 2:36:28 GMT
My favorite joke..........
An old lady walks into a bar with a duck under her arm. A scraggly old drunk staggers over, takes one look, and says, “That’s the UGLIEST thing I ever saw!” The woman turns her nose up at him and says, “This happens to be a stately creature! Go away, you horrid man!” The old drunk yells, “Lady, I was talkin’ to the duck!”
|
|
|
Post by Teebers on Aug 25, 2011 10:39:31 GMT
Janet that was a good one! Treen your joke was rank, but I'm stealing it to impress my friends and relatives.
Also, anriana is that screengrab from /b/? Or just the same format?
|
|
|
Post by anaira on Aug 25, 2011 23:02:44 GMT
Teebers; no idea where it came from. Someone sent me the shot, and someone else edited it for language.
|
|
|
Post by anaira on Oct 7, 2011 9:14:13 GMT
Seen on facebook: 10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope, and Johnny Cash. Now we have no Jobs, no Hope, and no Cash.
|
|
|
Post by Bean on Oct 11, 2011 21:01:18 GMT
Interesting.... I always wonder what the respectable length of time is between something bad happening and jokes being made about it!
Here's another (lighter?!) joke:
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
|
|
|
Post by anaira on Oct 11, 2011 21:16:20 GMT
Oh well, I found it funny! How about this one I saw on twitter? All we need now is for iPhones to start playing up and we'll have the dream headline: Apple and Blackberry crumble. Heh
|
|
|
Post by Bean on Oct 12, 2011 20:56:11 GMT
You like your topical gags!
And I like the bad old ones...
A guy goes into the bar and sits down and orders a drink. Other than the bartender, there's no one else in the place. All of a sudden he hears a voice that says, "Nice suit." He looks around and doesn't see anyone and the bartender looks busy washing some glasses. A little while later the same voice says, "Nice Tie." The guy looks around again and doesn't see anyone. He finally asks the bartender if he just said something. "No," replied the bartender, "it wasn't me. It was probably the peanuts though. They're complimentary."
|
|
|
Post by anaira on Oct 13, 2011 0:25:51 GMT
Oh, I like old bad ones, too! How about this one?
What did the grape say when he got run over? Nothing, he just gave a little wine.
|
|
|
Post by Bean on Oct 31, 2011 10:12:49 GMT
Haha like it!
Now, did I tell you that one about how to annoy Lady Gaga....?!
|
|
|
Post by anaira on Oct 31, 2011 21:55:42 GMT
Yeah, you have; why don't you try telephone(tell her phone)?
...sorry.
|
|
|
Post by Bean on Nov 1, 2011 9:24:57 GMT
No need to apologise, I don't get it.
One from a Halloween cracker yesterday...
What would happen if pigs could really fly? Bacon would go up.
Haha? Nope, not really.
|
|
|
Post by anaira on Nov 3, 2011 9:10:50 GMT
She has a song called Telephone; and you tell her phone that joke, it can poke her face! Yeah, maybe not then..
IDIOT SIGHTING.
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 note... Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said,'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar coin back.' She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.' The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'
This happened in Elizabeth S.A
The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the beeper was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'
She is a government employee in Adelaide P.O
When my husband and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. ‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
Holden Dealer Brisbane ..
We had to have the garage door repaired. The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two.'
We haven't used that repairman since. Happened in Ipswich , Qld.
Remember, They walk among us...
tbh, a lot of these people sound a little like me. *cough*
|
|
|
Post by Bean on Nov 3, 2011 9:18:07 GMT
Haha I was chuckling but thinking 'I'm sure there could be a few of these that I'd done up here...'!
|
|
|
Post by Teebers on Nov 3, 2011 11:55:47 GMT
I was thinking the same thing Treen!
|
|