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Post by Bean on Apr 30, 2011 7:44:08 GMT
Good one!
What kind of cheese do you use to entice a bear out of the woods? Camembert!
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Post by anaira on May 6, 2011 23:28:24 GMT
Dang, now I want a nice bit of Camembert! It's only been over two years...sigh. And I still crave cheese. I even dream about it sometimes!
This is one of my all time favorite jokes. There are different versions, but I figured this was the least offensive.
A South African, an Australian, and a Kiwi were in a pub together, (like they are in countless jokes) when the South African finished his drink, threw his glass in the air, and shot it, explaining, 'Where I come from, glasses are so cheap, we don't need to drink with the same ones twice.'
This impressed the Auzzie, who then threw his glass in the air, and shot it. "Where I come from, we have so much sand to make glass, we don't need to drink from the same one's twice.'
The kiwi said nothing, only quietly finished his drink. Then he pulled out his gun, shot the other two dead, and called for another drink. Seeing the look on the waiter's face, he explained, "Where I come from, we have so many dead-beat losers, we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."
;D
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poshpiggy
Bronze Member
The caption says it...
Posts: 381
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Post by poshpiggy on May 7, 2011 17:25:15 GMT
Okay Anaira, that was pretty funny.....no offense to people who are offended.....
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I-Luv-Muffin
Newbie
I made you a cookie but I eated it.
Posts: 35
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Post by I-Luv-Muffin on May 7, 2011 18:53:07 GMT
- A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can't drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off. The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo." The man replies "I did. Today I'm taking them to the movies.
- Why did the chicken cross the road? To get some eggsercise
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Post by rugers285 on May 7, 2011 20:22:56 GMT
If no body answered the 30 cents one its a quarter and a nickle. Two coins and one of them is not a nickle so the other one can be.
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poshpiggy
Bronze Member
The caption says it...
Posts: 381
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Post by poshpiggy on May 8, 2011 0:54:26 GMT
I'm lovin' these jokes! They're funny!! haha!
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Migs and her Pigs
Newbie
Don't worry, 10% of the time im listening to you talk ;)
Posts: 11
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Post by Migs and her Pigs on May 8, 2011 1:17:25 GMT
Lol. Here are good joke questions
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
If you take a Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
What do chickens think we taste like?
What do people in China call their good plates?
What do you call a male ladybug?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?
Which is the other side of the street?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why don't they call mustaches "mouthbrows?"
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poshpiggy
Bronze Member
The caption says it...
Posts: 381
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Post by poshpiggy on May 8, 2011 13:37:27 GMT
Haha!!!
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Post by Teebers on May 12, 2011 10:55:09 GMT
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says "That's what puzzles me!"
I don't even get this one. Can someone butt in and explain please.
Also, big ups anaira! I'm sure you meant it in the nicest way possible!
EDIT: If it's something stupid like 'deerrrp the joke is he's talking about actually standing' I don't even want to know.
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Post by Teebers on May 12, 2011 11:04:16 GMT
EXTRA DOUBLE POST TIME!!! THANKS TO THE GOOD PEOPLE IN THE PSYCHIC WORD ASSOCIATION THREAD
There was a biology student who was studying equilibrium in sea birds with a specific focus on terns. He proposed that giving measured doses of THC (from, of course, marijuana) and observing their flight patterns would give some insight to the problems of equilibrium in three dimensional space. This proposal being given in a more liberal era, the student got the funding. He filled out mountains of forms, set up a lab with a ready supply of terns, and proceeded on his way. After a year of diligent work, groveling monthly before the review committee to get his stipend, and living with drugged terns, he completed his study.
With trembling hands, he delivered his 247-page report, complete with charts and graphs, to the review committee. The august body peruses his study, asking penetrating questions and reducing our student to jell-o. Finally, the department head rises. The light reflects off her steel rimmed glasses as she stares down at our student.
"There is a lot of good work here," she says. "But we can't accept this report. You have detailed marvelously the effects of THC on terns but you forgot one essential step: you have no control group." Our student turns pale and says, "You don't mean..."
"Yes. I'm afraid so. You left no tern unstoned."
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Post by Bean on May 12, 2011 12:09:37 GMT
That was too big a build up for a predicatable gag! 2/10.
Amd I don't get the other one either? *Why* is it supposed to be funny? Anyone.....?!
Maybe next time make a joke with the word 'bum' in or something.
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Post by Teebers on May 12, 2011 12:34:41 GMT
I knew I should have stopped at that moustache flea joke.
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poshpiggy
Bronze Member
The caption says it...
Posts: 381
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Post by poshpiggy on May 12, 2011 19:40:00 GMT
Haha!
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Post by anaira on May 15, 2011 8:11:16 GMT
Man walks into Doctor's and says "Doctor, I think I'm addicted to Twitter". Doctor looks at him and says "Sorry I don't follow you"
lol. I *know* I'm addicted!
Ok, now I'd better do a facebook one.
Just before a man is given a lethal injection, he asks for one last favour. To update his facebook status to 'dead'.
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Post by Bean on May 15, 2011 11:20:35 GMT
I like the twitter one, but the facebook lacks oomph!
I've got one...
How do you annoy Lady Gaga? Poke her face.
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Post by anaira on May 15, 2011 11:28:44 GMT
Oh well, maybe it's because I tweet, but don't have fb.
...and didn't you already post that?!
How does Lady Gaga like to eat her steak? Raw, raw, raw-raw-raw!
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Post by Bean on May 15, 2011 11:38:01 GMT
...and didn't you already post that?! Probably. I was thinking that as I was posting it (I heard it again yesterday and it made me guffaw!) but figured no one would probably notice. *looks around* How does Lady Gaga like to eat her steak? Raw, raw, raw-raw-raw! I don't get that but I only know 2 of her songs (one of which is poker face...!). Next!
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Post by lonestarpiggies on May 15, 2011 14:02:46 GMT
Ainara and Treen, too funny!!
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Post by anaira on May 15, 2011 21:45:42 GMT
Page seven(edit, no, six), I believe it is. You dragged the thread up from before my time with it, so ofc I was gonna remember! And it's the only Lady Gaga song I really know! The rah rah bit sticks in my head for aaaaaaaages. It's the only thing I have against Lady Gaga. Bad RomanceI think these have to be some of the cleanest gaga jokes out there. ETA, and in case you missed it, or somethinh, Lady Gaga once wore a dress made of raw meat.
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Post by Bean on May 16, 2011 11:37:45 GMT
Page seven(edit, no, six), I believe it is. You dragged the thread up from before my time with it, so ofc I was gonna remember! Gawd, as if it's not bad enough you're pointing out that I'm repeating myself, now you're providing references?! Let a person think they're growing old gracefully, why don't you! I'm not a huge fan of Gaga's tunes, but I do like that she's doing something a bit different and think the theatrics of her performances are good fun. That meat dress is rank though, I feel like I can smell if from here!
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